It’s too easy to slip up these days
But that won’t bother me anyway
Because I know.
I know I knew all along
How to lift yourself up,
Get along and be strong;
But I’ve been too busy
Looking all around
For answers to questions
That can’t ever be found
Because it’s not about
Finding the answers, it’s
Finding the mission;
Then within the mission
You’ll find the human condition,
But you may not like what you see
Because what you see isn’t you, isn’t me
You have to look deeper
To find humanity.
Humanity, society…
Passed all the fucked up impropriety
The richest fool is smiling proud,
Thanks to notoriety,
While the rest are getting
Wasted with insobriety…
But once you get passed
That side of it all,
You finally start to realize why
You felt so small.
Why you felt so wrong,
So drawl, so messed up, addicted,
And after all the blackouts with alcohol,
You repent, you plead,
You scream out to the sky in need
Of somewhere, someone or something
That can hear you, understand you,
And fix anything and everything…
And yet, nobody realizes the truth.
If we’d all just shut up,
Turn our heads to the youth;
They’ve got something I don’t have,
Nor do you because we lost it long ago…
Long ago when we grew up
And all walked over the rainbow
Of childhood and fantasy.
Look where it’s gotten us -
It’s horrendous, it’s blasphemy!
So please, oh please allow me to say
That the children are the ones
Who will carve the way for everyone,
Everybody, everything…
So right now, we must protect them;
Let them laugh, dance, and sing
Because the future is nothing
Without one simple thing called
LOVE.
T.A. 12/2/16

We’re all ignoring all the signs and signals sayin’,
“You two don’t agree anymore, and that’s okay;
Just get up, brush yourself off, and carve your own path
In your own way,”
I thought he was my forever
And I was his eternity,
But we’re too ignorant and foolish to see
Past our own naivety,
That’s okay - that’s life,
This is how it happens,
And at the end of the day,
We will all be laughing
At each other, at out points, at our
Opinions, our decisions;
Now it’s all exposed
And we need major revision
To change all the problems
And issues that we see -
All the bullshit we’ve been
Masking under our nationality
That continues to preach and continues to swear
Their soul on it,
But they won’t touch it, get close to it,
If two guys wrote their last name on it,
Because “gay” is bad, and “trans” is trash,
If this damn place can just
Drop the fucking flask and move forward
With our lives -
Bet our souls on it -
Get ourselves together and
Get the move on it…
We need to love one another
And spread the word, Hear it???
I don’t care if this ain’t your genre,
Just join in and sing it,
We need to LOVE each other
FEEL EACHOTHER.
LIVE, LOVE, and UNDERSTAND ONE ANOTHER.
TOGETHER.

T.A. 11/21/16

(To all who are heartbroken, terrified, and in desperation for some miracle that this all didn’t turn out the way it did, hear these words…may they at least give solace)
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••
May we - the determined -
Remain the same
So we’ll play his little game,
But what he doesn’t see
Is the power, the strength of
You and me;
Us - together we can still rise
Even if our country is viewed
By corrupted eyes.
We know value, we know love,
We know there’s more hiding above
All these corporations run by men
Who tell their wives to fix their faces;
Just a needle here, a breast lift there,
Before they know it, he’s gone
And doesn’t care.
That’s what kind of man he is,
And that’s who you’re trusting?
With your brother, mother, or cousin
In the middle of an emergency
You really think he’d give a shit about anyone But “ME, ME, PLEASE HELP ME”?
It’s not about us but him, don’t you see???
All he cares about is his ego and old money.
He’s nothing to us, we’re stronger by far;
What would happen if we went so far
As to say what we think, not what he demands,
Since we’re goddamn tired of being your
‘One night stands’ who are only pretty
If we’re good in bed.
Fine go get yourself an escort for the night
I’d rather be somewhere else
Finding the light.

T.A.
11/8/16

Love’s not just a feeling, but an energy,
A euphoric and confusing catastrophe
Of explorations and breaking walls
So that you can see the deeper parts within
All that makes up you and me;
You and he,
He and she…
Love is all around as it’s supposed to be,
But people don’t notice the little things
That show you what life can really bring
To you, to your life, your mind, your soul…
It can fill you from here on out,
Until you grow old;
But only if you let go and allow your
Old self to be sent to someone else far away
That way you’ll never have to be that way…
Never again, now that you’ve found them,
Because they heal the wounds you’ve had
That you’ve been pretending felt numb
While they truly were eating away
At every part of you, but you couldn’t say
How you felt because you had
To be strong that way.

T.A.
11/7/16

You want to believe
Deep down inside,
Down in that place where you
Don’t want to hide,
That these connections are true,
Are genuine, for real;
They scare you because of what you saw,
But what do you feel?
Deep down, as deep as
Your emotions can go -
You know who you are
And what you know;
So you know what you saw,
And now you’re too terrified to say
You saw what you saw;
So you contemplate if
You should abide
By the law -
The law, the rules, the
OCD, PTSD, DID, ADD, TOO MANY THINGS.
Why can’t people just
Help each other?
Help to provide, heal, and
Care for our sisters, our brothers?
When you relate, you
Connect with one another;
And you’ll build the foundation
Of the nation that the future
Wants so badly, so sadly.
It’s almost a tragedy
That the saddest people are
The ones who end up happy in their dreams - 
In their hopes, in their overly dramatic scenes of seems…
They make it ‘till the very end;
They’re the Rosalie, Amara, Marie, 
Alex, Myles, Kevin, Sam blend.
My own mother was terrified of many things
Until she felt and touched the very end;
That’s when she saw everything,
And she had her babies to defend.
Words don’t change the wisdom or
Advice, mistakes, and experience
That help your soul to be less tainted or
Less delirious.
Please listen, change,
Allow yourself to grow;
There’s so much out there that we don’t know
And that’s fine, alright, okay,
Because you’ll make your life carve its path
In your own special way.
Just go with your heart,
Then check with your mind -
They are inevitably equal…
Then all else will align.

T.A. 10/23/16

You think you know it all,
You should stop thinking so small;
Just open back up
So I can break down your walls.
Stubbornness is your downfall -
Your most horrible trait -
But if you would just drop it
Maybe then, we wouldn’t be late
To all the experiences in life
That you used to dare to pursue;
You were so filled with life
Back when you were you.
Where did you go?
Did you lose yourself somewhere?
Left yourself crying in your
Existential nightmare?
Tell me, please tell me,
I can help pull you back because
You see, the burdens that you choose to carry
Are a self-inflicted attack on your flaws
I know you hear it from anywhere and everybody,
That when you keep pushing past the breaking point,
That’s when life means something to somebody,
But all I can say is it’s true
The only person that can save you
In this fucked up beautiful world is you, and only you.
You have your people to teach you,
Your people to help you,
Your people to talk to, listen to, hang out with you…
But at the end of the day,
When all this bullshit is 
Lost and wasted away,
You have to be there for yourself -
Something no one else can do -
And you need that one person,
Who just understands you.

T.A. 10/22/16

.

All I want is to be a singer who expresses everything in a true way other than simple words. I don’t know how to do this through music or anything else….so is my form of expression <3

I’ve come to find that loving someone and being “in love” with someone is very different, and a lot of people don’t know that. I think loving someone is that warm, wonderful feeling that everyone knows. When you’re around someone you love, you’re comfortable, at ease, completely open about things that you would never tell anyone else. But that first feeling of being in love is a very, very different emotion. It’s a confusing concoction of what feels like anxiety, fear, happiness, excitement, nausea, panic, and desire, all coursing through your veins and making your mind a mess of questions as to whether you want to throw up, laugh out loud, or jump off a cliff. It can be difficult to even speak to the person you’re falling in love with, let alone feel comfortable or open with them. A lot of people shy away from that feeling I think, because they don’t recognize that it’s love…but it is - it’s just so different from any love they’ve felt before. But once that first stage of falling in love passes and you commit to one another for a period of time, you begin to notice everything calming down. The fear and confusion of it all fades away little by little, replaced with that familiar comfort and warmth; only now, it’s stronger than ever before, and it feels as if nothing will ever break the bond that you’ve formed with this person that you were once so terrified of - and you realize how worth it all the stressful emotions overwhelming your heart and mind really were…because now, you have them and that’s all that matters.

Like a caterpillar turning

Into a butterfly,

I can feel my wings

Bursting from this chrysalis

Of claustrophobia, depression,

Anxiety, and hate.

Anger, confusion,

Manipulation and guilt,

It’s my long-awaited metamorphosis,

And I’m finally ready to fly.

T.A. - 7/15/16

A loner, wanderer, outsider,
She’s lost and nobody
Can find her;
You can search high and low
But her location is somewhere
You cannot go;
She owns a world apart from ours
Where one dreams of
Moonlight, waterfalls, and flowers;
It’s her escape, her home,
And it’s there she knows
She’s never alone…
Not in her world.
3/2/16^
T.A.

“I wish I had more words,
Because I miss her again today.
Maybe this pattern is
Me finally healing, in some way;
But it hurts. Goddamn it hurts.
And at this point, that’s all I can say…”

euphoric–dysphoria:

The important conversations always seem to be after three in the morning, when tired minds let their guard down and whispers carry the heavy words that need to be heard.

I want to write again.

I want to spill these words

That are trapped in my vocal cords

But flood my mind nowadays

As I smile as I laugh as I say

I’m fine I’m fine I’m really goddamn fine

How are you?

I want to write again.

Because if I write again

Maybe my autopilot will turn off

For long enough to think again

And I’ll be able to get back

Back where home is

Because fuck am I homesick

I want to write again.

If I do I could find myself

Doing something other than

Sitting with me myself and I

Thinking back to when I had

The chance that could have truly

Made all of this okay.

I really do want to write again…

It’s just hard holy hell it’s hard

When your mind and soul

Are as comprehensible and clear

As an abstract painting

And your thoughts are hypocrites

That don’t listen to you.

~ January 7th 2016

T.A.

Lately, I feel as though
Falling in love with me
Is like choosing to
Swim in the ocean:
At first, it’s enticing, distant,
And cold,
And you feel a rush
Of both excitement and pain
As you dip your feet in.
Then it’s up to your knees
And you can see hints of
What’s beneath the surface -
What you couldn’t see
Standing on the shore.
You second guess
If this is where you want to be,
But you’re already halfway in
And before you know it,
You’re testing yourself -
Seeing just how far out
You can go,
How much you can see,
How much you can handle…
Feeling the waves
Crashing down on your back,
Getting stronger and heavier,
Until it’s too much
And you’re knocked down,
Tumbling underwater,
Breathing in all of me -
Too much of me -
Out of control,
And your heart feels like
It’s on fire
While you remember
The simplicity of the shore.

T.A.
10/13/15

She cried as though
If she buried her head into the pillow deeply enough
The world around her
Would cease to exist

She cried as though
If she shut her eyes hard enough
The threads of the universe would unravel
And she alone could quilt a new one

She cried as though
If she let out every single one of her tears
They would then go backwards and flow back into her eyes

But now, it’s much worse than before the Bad Days prior
She’s laughing.

M.M.H.
3/1/15